Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Last week, I had a really awesome dream. Like maybe even the second best dream of my life!

I was wading around in the ocean.
I look around, and some of my family is there- my mom, brother, and two grandpas...others like maybe my dad but I can't remember.
Suddenly I realize that my Grandpa Buster has gone too far out and is about to drown.
I'm the closest one to him, so I swam over and got him to shore.
As we stood on the beach he said "Thank you so much, Jenn-ay" (no lie, my Papa Buster's Arkansas accent has always sounded a bit like Forest Gump.)
I was overwhelmed by happiness- my Grandpa Buster started developing alzheimer's about 10 years ago; it's been at least 5 years since he's called me by my name without having to be told who I am.
So, the rest of the dream I just sobbed with joy while my Grandpa hugged me. [good thing my roommates are gone, cause I've started crying as I'm retelling this]

I've never really known my grandpa that well at all; my grandma (his wife) died about 15 years ago, he always had a big sense of humor but I remember him being more quiet. I feel like this man I know now who doesn't know me isn't really my grandfather, but more like a shadow sometimes mimicking my Grandpa Buster's kindness and humor. His wife was 'Catholic' (but I don't ever remember her going to church) and I don't think he knew/ knows Jesus.

It is something with I struggle with- these last years of his life seem like he's being cheated out of the chance to love the God Who made and loves him, Jesus Who died for him, and being with the Holy Spirit...but I know that he had also been given 70ish years to accept salvation. I'm left wondering why this happens, where my Papa really is, and where he is going once he dies. Through this though, I know I have to place more faith in my God that is so much bigger than me.

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